Hi,

Well, it's official. I'm going 'stir-crazy' in my house. I haven't been out too much, and the small bit I have been out, only seemed to make me more crazy when I came home. Sure, I visited with Bekka, went to the park, and even went out with her for moral support for her tattoo, which she covered in a journal on her page, but it all seemed to make me feel more "trapped".

I haven't been to Brandon's house in like, 2 months. Really, I find myself going into the phase: "I'm mad at you, but really mad at myself" mode with people around me able to go out and everything and hang with other people. At the same time, I don't want to go out because I just feel withdrawn. I haven't really talked to, or FELT like talking to people on the phone much. I find myself going at least a week without talking to Bekka at a time, and now, it's starting to feel relieving with the thought of not to talk to Brandon for a day or two. It sounds bad doesn't it? -.- I don't mean to be so rude, but I can't seem to get rid of this ongoing trapped, annoyed feeling.

At the times I do call them, I strangely wish I didn't call them and quickly try to end the call once the conversation starts going.

This type of stuff happens to me every few months I've been in the house CONSTANTLY, doing the same thing, dealing with the same things, every day with no real RELIEVING break.

Soon, I'll just deal with it and find something to occupy my restless, jealous state, and just deal. But, I should be able to get out of the house soon for a few hours. I think next week or something, I might ask to spend the night at Bekka's, or go to Brandon's, we'll see.

Luckily, I've found myself being drawn into crocheting to help me, and Bejeweled Twist, something to help me concentrate. I'm working on an Espeon Crochet Pattern right now, and it's almost done. I have the ears, the head and the body done. Just the bare basics, no real details yet, but it's working nicely. And, I'm also working on a new afghan for my bed. It's really bright and pretty. The colors remind Bekka of candy, and me of milkshakes. I also found the pattern I printed out of a piano Key scarf that I plan, PLAN to work on too. The Afghan pattern comes from a craft book called "Crocheted Afghans" I found at Value Village awhile ago. It's like BRAND new, and it was a lucky find really. It has some pretty afghan patterns for the seasons.

I'm also a little afraid to leave my house because of the "Swine Flu" I keep hearing on the news. I don't want to get sick, I just got over a cold.

In other news, my exam with a psychologist is Thursday. Fun, fun. I'm a little nervous, but meh.

BLAH. I feel restless and annoyed. I gotta go clean, the house is a little out of order. >< I feel so nervous.

Thanks for reading,
Shana